What the Hard Seasons Ask of Us – Living with Integrity

It has been a year filled with difficult experiences, and the two preceding years have also brought their own share of challenges—challenges that make you reevaluate the questions you ask yourself. I have found myself thinking more about integrity, ethics, and leadership: not as abstract ideals, but as decisions we make when the easy way and the right way differ. At some point I also began to watch a lot of Blue Bloods.

I have found that every time my assumptions are questioned, I tend to turn to a television drama – one that enables me to deal with my own thoughts and experiences. While watching Blue Bloods, the program soon became more than entertainment; it became about seeing the characters struggle with their principles in difficult situations. I am particularly drawn to Frank Reagan because he usually chooses the harder option, even when the easier one would be convenient, defensible, or perhaps entirely invisible to everyone else.

In season three, the mayor, Poole, asks Frank to make a ticket disappear. That would have been a small favor and something easy to do. However, Reagan sticks to his principles and refuses.

This smallness is what gives the moment such power.

Integrity is usually tested when we choose the difficult thing over the easy one. Frank’s choice shows that our values should not be based entirely on who is asking us to compromise them or on what is easier. Instead, our values and principles must guide our decisions, and we must be ready to face discomfort rather than change our values.

In our personal experiences, we might find ourselves deciding between different moral values, particularly when obeying the law or sticking to the rules means giving up an ethical principle. The law will tell us what we are allowed to do. Policies will tell us what we are obliged to do. Ethics, on the other hand, poses a more individual question: what is the right thing to do? Integrity asks whether we are willing to live by that answer, even if it means suffering a cost.

Leadership does not always resolve conflict; sometimes it means staying in it. This might mean disappointing some people, being misunderstood, or making a decision that creates more difficulty rather than less, since the simpler option would have required giving in to something important.

Humility must also go hand in hand with ethical conviction.

Sticking to our values doesn’t mean we think we are always correct. We can keep our boundaries while also questioning ourselves, asking for advice, listening carefully, and recognizing that our point of view isn’t always correct. Moreover, integrity also involves being willing to admit our mistakes, take responsibility for them, make things right when possible, and allow ourselves to grow.

I have lately given a great deal of thought to the meaning of leaning into difficulty. It doesn’t mean actively looking for difficult situations or believing that struggle is good in itself. Rather, it means not making decisions to avoid discomfort. At times the questions that arise are: What does this moment demand of me? What kind of person and what kind of leader do I wish to be in this situation? What am I unwilling to give up to gain temporary relief?

I am likewise realizing that integrity is not something which we attain at one time and then have. It is something that has to be practiced, particularly in small, everyday decisions, and especially when the result is uncertain. We never know whether acting the way we think is right will be understood, appreciated, or lead to the outcome we hope for. Integrity is less about knowing how the story will end and more about being able to look back at the choices we have made and see ourselves in them.

One of the more difficult aspects of ethical leadership might be learning how to hold firmly to what one believes while staying open to the possibility that there is still something one has to learn.

Author’s Note: As with all posts on this site, this reflection was written by me. Grammarly was used during the editing process to assist with grammar and readability. The photograph accompanying this post was AI-created.