Meeting the Shadow: Learning to Sit with Our Inner Critic

As a therapist, I am in a unique position to witness how many people struggle with a harsh internal critic—sometimes whispering softly, and at other times raging with the force of a waterfall crashing against rocks below. I call this negative voice the shadow.

The shadow is as much a part of being human as the literal shadow that follows us on a sunny day. It does not discriminate, and it often sneaks into our thoughts when we least expect it.

It is the voice that says:
“You are not good enough. You will fail. You are ugly. You are fat. You are not smart enough.”

At other times, the shadow turns outward, shaping our thoughts about the world—whispering that no one can be trusted, that others are always out to hurt us.

This is the voice that brings many people into therapy, desperate to learn how to shut it off. They fight it, argue with it, try to silence it—and in response, it often grows louder.

I often ask people to picture the shadow as a small, stormy cloud inside themselves. Sometimes it drifts quietly at the edges, barely noticeable. Other times, it grows large and heavy, pouring rain over every thought and feeling. Most of us try to shoo it away—but the more we fight it, the more it lingers.

In truth, the shadow can rarely be completely shut off. The more we fight it, the louder it often becomes. What we can learn is how to change our relationship with it.

Instead of arguing with the shadow or trying to push it away, we can begin to notice it with curiosity and compassion. We can acknowledge its presence without letting it take control. In doing so, we make room for something new—not the absence of the shadow, but the presence of kindness, steadiness, and grace.

This is not about fixing what is broken, but about learning to sit with what is human—allowing both shadow and light to exist, while choosing, again and again, which one we follow.

Reflection Question:
Where in your life is the shadow speaking most loudly, and how might you meet it with curiosity instead of resistance?

All images in this post were taken by me while visiting Arizona, a place that invites both shadow and light.